Being pensive like some indie kid searching for street cred. Except im just overwhelmed. Over whelmed by what other people have done, overwhelmed by whats already been done, overwhelmed by what there is to come and overwhelmed by what I have to do.
I guess it is like being over stimulated. Its hard enough to wake up every day and face the daylight, let alone sit on a crowded train, walk through school corridors or talk to people.
In a perverse way this is all good, the feeling of being swamped leeds me to retract, makes me want to drop out and drink myself to death. And wallowing in pity is always a great way to feel creative, innit!?
This week I have been watching Greg Araki's teenage apocalypse trilogy. Amazing how I've missed this films. Everything about them I know, the self destructive protagonists are wonderfully self indulgent. (Rose Mcgown plays almost the exact same character in the doom generation as she does in Jaw Breaker) The title makes me think of the bank generation, what Richard Hell thought of his generation. We progressed to the doom generation in the 90s and now what? the fucking boring generation of 'appropriation' and homage. I guess the grass is always greener.
Im reading a couple of books which sort of talk about the new york new wave of film making in the 80s. Deathtripping: the extreme underground makes me sad, sad because im in Melbourne in the 2010s and not in New York during the 80s. You got to make do with what you have. And while living in a squat and drinking everyday is always glamorous in text form, it’s quite a tiring existence in real life. So once you are stuck in uni, with routine and a fixed address you are living this relatively artless existence, and its a little bit scary.
You can only write what you know. To put yourself into what you make is important. But I feel like all I know is what I remember, because what im doing now is homework and going to bed early.
This quote from the start of Deathtripping makes it all a little better.
“as long as people feel the need to explore their desires and urges, free of constraint there will be need for film makers like those of [sic]...the new york underground.” Jack Sargeant
The problem is that going to film school makes you concerned and aware of the constraints.
I also watched Araki's Kaboom since I had free tickets from working at MQFF. (and working a 13 hour day on sunday /death)
I showed my house mates, who also seemed to really enjoy it.
Sargeant, Jack Deathtripping: the extreme underground (1995) SoftSkull press
Jack's bibliography. Need to read!
Deathtripping: the Extreme Underground, revised third edition NYC, Soft Skull, 2007.
No Focus: Punk On Film, (co-edited with Chris Barber), Headpress, 2006.
Bad Cop / Bad Cop, (as editor), London: Virgin Books, 2003.
Guns, Death, Terror, (as editor), London: Creation Books, 2002.
Death Cults, (as editor), London: Virgin Books, 2002.
Lost Highways: A History of the Road Movie, (co-edited with Stephanie Watson) London: Creation Books, 2000.
Deathtripping: The Cinema of Transgression revised second edition, London: Creation Books, 2000.
Cinema Contra Cinema, Berchem: Fringecore, 1999.
Suture 1, London: Creation Books, 1998.
The Naked Lens: Beat Cinema, London: Creation Books, 1997.
Born Bad, London: Creation Books, 1996.
Deathtripping: The Cinema of Transgression, London: Creation Books, 1995.